The Tragedy of Lesser Things

“I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain. But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done. I have many aggressive enemies; they hate me without reason. They repay me evil for good and oppose me for pursuing good. Do not abandon me, O LORD. Do not stand at a distance, my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.”

Psalms 38:17-22, NLT

The Tragedy of Lesser Things

One of my best buddies growing up was named Dennis. He and I spent a lot of time palling around the neighborhood together, but sometimes Dennis did things that really disturbed me. For example, he liked to catch small animals, kill them, and then lay them out like morbid little trophies. On one occasion, Dennis nailed a large toad to a plywood board. Still breathing, the toad lay there motionless except when Dennis touched it. Horrified, I watched as Dennis took out his pocket knife and began to cut off the toad’s arms and legs. He did this systematically, with an intense concentration that was very scary to me. After each cut, Dennis examined the amputated body part like a jeweler would examine a fine stone. Then, once the arms and legs were removed, he opened up the belly revealing the toad’s heart, which was still beating.

I’ve been feeling a lot like that toad lately. I am paralyzed, stuck, unable to save myself. My circumstances are beyond my control. Piece by piece, many of the things I have cherished are being taken from me. I thought I had planned my life well, but now my plan is in ruins. My vision for the future is blurred, and at the same time, I see a truth that I cannot avoid anymore. I have confused things I want with what I really need in life. I have adored material things while telling myself they were not important to me. My heart has been exposed. I am a hypocrite.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this. I think more and more of us are recognizing how we have become victims of our own lives. Our circumstances outweigh our abilities. Our worldly concerns dominate us. Our spiritual life has been pushed aside. We squirm with fright, hoping to escape the weight of our worries while trying to hide the desperation we feel. Our strength falls short. Our character is insufficient. Tragedy cuts us open, and heartbreak exposes our vulnerability. It reveals our heart in ways we never dreamed possible.

I wish I could better explain how I get off track. I try so hard to keep my priorities straight but sometimes the concerns of my life turn into obsessive vices that rule me. Even the best of things like work, accomplishment, church, home, people, food, sex, money and exercise are potential problems for me when I confuse them with what I really need spiritually. They become psychological cancers to me when I need or use them to make me feel alive instead knowing I’m alive because of the love of God. It’s not that my concerns are bad, because they aren’t. And, it’s not that I am bad, because I am not bad either. It’s really just a simple matter of how life overwhelms me when I think I need to be in control of everything.

We all need to recognize how our well intentioned priorities get messed up when we think we are more powerful than we are. We need to understand what we can do and what we can’t do. Things in our lives do need to change. But, more importantly, we need to change.

My childhood chum Dennis, grew up to be a veterinarian back in our hometown. He built a thriving practice that has been healing all kinds of animals for more than twenty years. The obsessive curiosity he had as a child was the platform from which an incredible talent grew up as he grew up. The same thing can happen with our obsessive worries if we allow God to grow our lives according to His design. God molds our problems into opportunities when we let Him. Our obsessions and worries become talents and skills when we give them to Him.

He allows our problems to test us, not to judge us. He uses them to get our attention. He wants us to see our hearts the way that He does, beautiful and vulnerable at the same time. He knows we will seek Him with increasing honesty and affection when we recognize how much we need Him and how little we need anything else.

copyright 2009, David Zailer